MY ENTIRE CAREER IS A JOKE!!

• I tried to be a barber, but I couldn’t cut it.
• I became an archaeologist.  Before long, my career was in ruins.
• I wanted to get into the engineering field, but I burned too many bridges.
• I was a dentist for a while, but it was like pulling teeth.
• I thought about being a knife-maker.  I made great blades, but I just couldn’t handle it.
• I thought I did a good job as an attorney, but the jury’s still out.
• When I became a plastic surgeon, I raised a few eyebrows.  But I didn’t have enough patients for it.
• My friend and I became commercial pilots.  It ended when we had a falling out.
• I tried my hand at gardening, but I was going through a rough patch.
• I worked for the IRS for a while, but it was too taxing.
• I worked on an oil rig, but it was a boring job.
• I got a job at a cemetery, but I wasn’t digging it.
• I quit my job at the helium factory.  I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
• I got fired as a yoga instructor.  And I bent over backwards for those people!
• I was training to be a trapeze artist, but I got let go.
• I worked for a while making clown shoes.  Don’t laugh!  It was no small feat!
• I wanted to be a computer programmer, but I couldn’t hack it.
• I was a chiropractor for a while, but it was back-breaking work.
• I thought I was a pretty good accountant, but things just didn’t add up.
• I was training to be a sound technician, but I couldn’t handle feedback.
• I was an exercise instructor last year, but it didn’t work out.
• I auditioned for an orchestra.  They said my performance wasn’t noteworthy.
• I thought about fortune-telling, but I couldn’t make a prophet and didn’t see a future in it.
• I had a position at a dance studio, but I was only going through the motions.
• I was going to work for Nike, but I just didn’t do it.
• I considered telemarketing, but it wasn’t my calling.
• I tried being a track athlete, but there were too many hurdles.
• I was a lifeguard, but before long I was in way over my head.
• I used to clean Porta Potties, but I got tired of taking everyone’s crap.
• I thought about being a motivational speaker, but ... meh.
• I worked at Krispy Kreme, but I quickly got fed up with the hole business.
• I fell in the vat at the bubblegum factory.  Afterward, my boss chewed me out.
• I wanted to be a pet groomer, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
• I got fired from the unemployment office, and still had to show up the next day.
• I auditioned for Nickelback, but I never made it as a wise man, couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealing.
• I didn’t like my job as a waiter. But at least I was putting food on the table.
• I had a job making stationery, but I quit because it wasn’t going anywhere.
• I got a job as a human cannonball. It was a high-caliber position! But I had a short fuse and got fired.
• But now I’ve gotten into astronomy, and my whole career is looking up.