A wife comes home and finds her husband in bed with a young woman.

As she is reaching for the phone to call her lawyer, he says, "Wait a minute! I can explain everything!
"I was at the mall and I saw this young lady sitting with a sign saying 'Will work for food', and you know the yard has needed a good clean-up, so I told her if she was willing to come and clean it I would gladly feed her as much as she could eat. Well, when she said she would work for food, she was telling nothing but God's honest truth, and you can see for yourself, the yard's cleaner than we've ever seen it.
"After an effort like that, three or four bowls of stew didn't seem like enough, and I noticed she'd gotten her clothes filthy, so I thought I'd have a look through the wardrobe and see what we could give her.
"There was that outdoor work shirt that you bought, only then it went out of style the next week and so you never even got it out of the packaging.
"You had a couple of pairs of jeans that you tried once and complained they made your ass look fat, so I thought you wouldn't mind.
"You had some hiking socks and boots that you bought five years ago when you were all about the hiking you were going to do, and then you never went, and I figured if you were going to try it at last you'd probably want new stuff anyway.
"There was some underwear that your sister sent you as a present, only you've vowed never to speak to her again and they've not seen daylight since you unwrapped them.
"This girl here was delighted with all this stuff, and she tried it all on, and then she said 'Have you got anything else that your wife doesn't want any more?'
"...and, well, here we are."