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Thứ Tư, 10 tháng 12, 2014

One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome...


He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartest Jew in Rome. The Pope and Moshe meet in a large conference hall in the Vatican attended by everyone that could fit in the room. Since neither party speaks each other's language, they elect to have their debate using hand symbols. The Pope begins by holding up three fingers to which Moshe only raises his index finger. The Pope then makes a circular motion with one finger around his head. Moshe responds with an aggressive point to the floor. Finally the Pope takes out a bottle of wine and a communion wafer, Moshe removes an apple from his satchel and takes a bite. With this the the Pope throws his hands to the heavens and shouts "the Jews have done it, they may stay in Rome. I can easily tell when I have been beaten." Later when the Pope convened with his disciples the only thing they wanted to was how the Pope lost, as they couldn't understand what was being "said." "You see," said the Pope "it is all very simple. I held up three fingers to show that God takes on three forms: the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Moshe countered me with one finger to show that God only has one true form. Next, I made a circular motion to show that God was everywhere to which Moshe responded with his gesture towards the floor which meant God is here with us even right now. The third and final gesture of the wine and wafer was to show that Jesus died for our sins. Moshe used the apple to show me that Adam and Eve were the original sinners. It was all very simple." Meanwhile, over at the synagogue where Moshe took residence, all of Moshe's disciples were curious as to how he won the debate. "Well you see," Moshe grunted "the Pope held up three fingers to tell me the Jews had three days to leave Rome. I told him 'up yours.' He made a waving gesture with his hands telling me that every Jew needed to leave, regardless of where they go. I pointed at the floor to tell him we aren't going anywhere. Then he took out his lunch so I took out mine.


This is a joke that was told to me 10 years ago by my very Jewish father. I feel like it never gets old.



Courtesy of my 8-year-old : Knock knock


Who's there


Europe


Europe who?


No, you're a poo!



The very famous barber


A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"


The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.


A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before Icon get a haircut?"


The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About three hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"


The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.


The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey. Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he haste wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."


A lithe while later. Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he let here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"



Urban trolling.

http://ift.tt/12ti3E8


Aziz Ansari

http://ift.tt/1yNXw9T


A dad insisting on using his 'selfie stick'...

http://ift.tt/1Iz1APE


Spotify Predicts Music's Stars Of 2015

Get a head start on the next year in music with these 16 artists to watch.


By crunching the numbers to see who's trending among its 50 million + users, talking to record labels, and exercising a little old-school editorial judgment, they came up with a list of 16 new artists poised to make a splash in the coming year.


By crunching the numbers to see who's trending among its 50 million + users, talking to record labels, and exercising a little old-school editorial judgment, they came up with a list of 16 new artists poised to make a splash in the coming year.


This is the second time Spotify has created a list of so-called "Spotlight" artists. Last year, the streaming service went all-in on the electro-gothic FKA Twigs, pop universalist Betty Who, Irish soul troubadour Hozier, genteel rapper G-Eazy, and edgy pop-import Tove Lo (pictured), among others.


Johannes Helje


Pell


Pell


PellYeahLLC




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