http://ift.tt/1yEDb87
Thứ Sáu, 12 tháng 12, 2014
Newfie Logic
Two Newfies, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favourite bar drinking beer.
Larry turns to Doug and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes.'
Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.
The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.
'Logic?' Larry says. 'What's that?'
The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
'Yeah.'
'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.'
'That's true, I do have a yard.'
'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'
'Yes, I do have a house.'
'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'
'Yes, I have a family.
'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.'
'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'
Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic? ' Doug says, 'What's that?'
Larry says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'
'No.'
'Then you're a fag'
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant..
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Giant Panda Triplets Reunited With Mom Who Just Wanted To Hug Her Cubs
The world’s only giant panda triplets were reunited Tuesday with their mother, who hugged her cubs like a human mother would, said the zoo manager.
The world's only giant panda cub triplets were reunited Tuesday with their mom, Juxiao, who was delighted to hold her kids again.
ChinaFotoPress / Getty Images
Giant pandas can only take care of one cub at a time, so after the triplets were born in July the zoo helped care for them.
China Stringer Network / Reuters
Until now, Juxiao had not been with all three cubs at once.
Getty Images / ChinaFotoPress
"Everybody was holding their breath when the family were reunited," Dong Guixin, manager at China's Chimelong Safari Park said on Tuesday.
"One of the three was very nervous and stayed at the gate. Ju Xiao waited for a moment and then went to her baby, then she hugged the baby like humans do."
"We felt so moved," Guixin concluded.
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)