FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
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Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
Guaranteed to be more accurate than Lifetime’s Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B.
One of the less damning emails revealed in the most recent round of Sony leaks revealed the tantalizing possibility of a Destiny's Child biopic, pitched to Sony Entertainment by Beyoncé's father, Mathew Knowles. While one exec at Sony's Screen Gems worried that it may be "too soon" (which, fair), others "returned very enthusiastic responses."
Getty Images / Frank Micelotta
Getty Images For BET Christopher Polk
Heaven is getting a little crowded, so God decides to have a new rule. The new rule is that no one can get into heaven from now on unless they had a really bad death. God explains this to all the angels, including St. Peter, who is the gatekeeper of heaven.
So St. Peter is waiting at the gate for a while, and surely enough a guy comes up. The guy thinks to himself "Since I am up here, I must be in." He is ready to walk in, when St. Peter stops him and explains the new rule. The guy goes "Okay, but how will you know if I had a bad death or not?"
St. Peter thinks for a minute and says, "Well just tell me how you died and I will decide."
The guy begins, "I was planning to go to a party after work, but since I was exhausted I did not go, but instead came home. As I was walking into my condo, which is on the 4th floor by the way. I saw shoes at my door that did not belong, so I barge into my apartment and surely enough I find my wife half naked. I search the whole apartment up and down and don't find anyone. All of a sudden, I hear a guy screaming for help from my balcony. So I go out there and see a guy hanging for his life from my balcony. I start stomping on his fingers and make sure he lets go of the balcony and falls down. The bastard falls into the bushes and I look down but still see him twitching. So I decide to grab my refrigerator and throw it down the balcony to make sure the son of a bitch dies. But after doing all that hard work I had an heart attack. Now I am up here."
St. Peter thinks for a second and says "Well you're wife cheated on you right before you died that seems like a pretty bad way to die. What the hell, go on ahead in buddy."
A few seconds pass and another guy comes to the gates. St. Peter gives him the whole talk and tells him to tell him his story.
The guy begins, "I live on the 5th floor of a condo and I was on my balcony practicing yoga when all of a sudden I lost my balance and fell. Luckily, I caught the 4th floor's balcony. I am hanging there for my dear life and screaming for help. Out of nowhere, this guy comes out swearing and starts stomping on my fingers for no reason. I obviously lose my grip and fall down. I fell into some bushes and survived. I was struggling to get up and when I opened my eyes I see a refrigerator come at me. Now I am up here."
St. Peter decides "That's a pretty bad death, go on in buddy."
A few seconds later another guy comes up and St. Peter gives him the talk and tells him to tell his story.
The guy begins, "I was hiding in a refrigerator when..."
A priest and an Australian shepherd got a tie in a quiz show so they have to solve the last question: find a rhyme on the word Timbuktu. After five minutes the priest returns and says: "I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu..." The crowd was cheering him and thought he would win as the shepherd returns: "When Tim and I to Brisbane went, we met three ladies cheap to rent. They were three and we were two, so I booked one and Tim booked two..."
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared..
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea, He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
Remember this whenever you get advice from an official.