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Thứ Ba, 13 tháng 1, 2015

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment ...


A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."



This Dog Looks Exactly Like John Travolta

His name’s Boof.


Meet Boof. He's a deaf American bulldog from South Australia who is in need of a very good home. He also happens to look exactly like John Travolta.


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In case you don't see it. Here's Boof.


In case you don't see it. Here's Boof.


Facebook: SADOGRESCUE


Here's a photo of John Travolta.


Here's a photo of John Travolta.


Photo by Gustavo Caballero / Getty Images




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Louis CK nominated for best actor

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THE AMAZING HEALTH COMPUTER


One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." "Don't do that! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Jeffery figured he had nothing to lose, so he took his urine sample to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.” Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: “Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.


Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.


Your daughter's using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.


Your wife's pregnant - twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.”



17 Cats Who Hit The Nip

It’s legal!


"You guys ever think about all the love in the world? Like, all the love that's happening right now?"



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"The future is sooooo chill."



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"Nap time is just, like, the best. Why didn't anybody ever tell me how awesome napping is?"



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"I think I'm still in Christmas. I'm in it."



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Photoshop was too hard.

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My girlfriend thinks highly of me.

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