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Thứ Tư, 14 tháng 1, 2015
Magic Penis
A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... The Magic Penis!'
The husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.
The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'
The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Magic Penis, door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.
After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.'
The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my ass!
The rest, as they say, is history...
This Video Of Chameleons Bowling Is What You Need Today
They’re so focused and quiet you can hear a pin drop.
The geniuses that brought us that video of a tiny hamster eating a tiny burrito struck gold again with this one! Who knew chameleons were such great bowlers?
Via youtube.com
Dog Takes Self To Park On Bus, Humans Become More Obsolete
She’s a strong, independent dog who don’t need no man.
When you're a dog, going to the park is really important. Take this guy, for instance. He can't go to the park and he's not handling it well at all.
But Eclipse, a black lab/bullmastiff mix, will never have that problem because she reportedly takes the bus to her local dog park in Seattle. By herself.
"Not going to the park? Ain't nobody got time for that." —Eclipse
KOMO 4 News / Via wjla.com
"She's been urbanized," says Eclipse's owner, Jeff Young. "She gets on the bus without me, and I catch up with her at the dog park."
It was during their trips to the dog park that Eclipse came to ride the bus alone. Young says that he would stop to have a cigarette while waiting for the bus, and Eclipse would get on the bus alone if Young hadn’t finished his cigarette by the time the bus got there.
KOMO 4 News / Via wjla.com
Commuters on Eclipse's route are very pleased with the company. "She sits here just like a person does," says rider Tiona Rainwater. "She's a person!"
"She makes everybody happy! Like, how can you not love this face?"
KOMO 4 News / Via wjla.com
So a lonely, used, abused, beaten down woman places a personal ad in the newspaper...
She writes that she desires a man who won't use her for her money, beat her to a bloody pulp and won't walk out on her leaving her an emotional wreck of shambles. She also states that this man ought to satisfy her sexually and fuck her like no other man has.
Well days go by and no one responds to her ad.
Until one afternoon her doorbell rings, so she goes and answers the door.
She looks down upon her doorstep and sees a man with no arms or legs just hanging out.
He says to her "I'm here about your personal ad"
She looks him once over and says "um, not to be rude, but why did you answer my personal ad?"
He looks at her and says "well, I have no arms, so I can't beat you nor would I be able to reach for your wallet to steal your money and I have no legs, so I can't walk out on you"
"Well..." she pauses for a moment, considering, "but what about leaving me completely satisfied?"
He smirks slyly and says "well, lady, how do you think I rang your damn doorbell?"
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