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Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed
Fox
Focus Features
Thứ Năm, 22 tháng 1, 2015
The Wonderful Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello'
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you really like it.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2015 Models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: '$128,000'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.'
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000.'
MAN: 'well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really a pretty good price.'
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!'
MAN: “You’re worth it. 'Bye!'
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths agape.
The wonderful husband turns and asks: "Anybody knows whose phone this is?"
An attractive blonde is dropping her dress off to be cleaned.
She hands the dress to the clerk who says thank you.
As the blonde walks out the clerk says "come again!"
The blonde turns and says "it's toothpaste this time you bitch!"
21 Puppies Who Haven't Grown Into Their Paws
Paws can be hard to figure out, pups.
"No no officer I am of age to drive...just look at how big my paws are! They're basically adult size!
"What do you MEAN my paws are gonna get even bigger? I'll never catch up!"
"Have you ever seen anything bigger than these toe beans?"
"THE BIGGER THE PAWS...THE MORE TO LOVE."
A man tells his urologist he wants to be castrated...
A man tells his urologist he wants to be castrated. The urologist says "That's a pretty big thing. Maybe you should think about it."
"I have thought about it, for a long time, and it's what I want," says the man.
"All right," says the doctor. "I'll do the surgery myself."
The surgery goes well, and the doc visits the man in his hospital room. "This was very delicate surgery," he says. "So you need to take it easy. Go for short, slow walks in the hall just a few times each day."
So the man gathers up his IV stand and shuffles into the hallway. As he makes his way, he sees another fellow walking towards him in the same manner. "What are you in for?" the man asks him.
"Just got circumcised," the other fellow says.
The man balls his hands into fists and shouts, "Circumcised!!! THAT was the word!!"
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