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Thứ Ba, 27 tháng 1, 2015

A police officer searched me...


A police officer searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs. “It’s not my fault,” I said, “Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.” “Do you really expect me to believe that?” he laughed. I said, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!” “Go on then.” He smiled, handing me the bag. After flushing them, he looked at me and said, “Well, show me your pocket then.” “What for?” I asked. He said, “The drugs.” I said, “What drugs?



You've gone too far, KFC.

http://ift.tt/18km3tP


31 Adorable Things To Keep You Warm Throughout The Storm

What better than some fluffies to get you through a nasty blizzard?


This dog who is only here to make green friends.


This dog who is only here to make green friends.


dailypicksandflicks.com


Danica the pug who should warm your heart with rolls of sass.



instagram.com


Honestly, look at this dude and TRY AND TELL ME your soul isn't warmed a little.



vine.co




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17 Cats Who Understand Your Feelings About The Blizzard

The weather outside is far from purrfect </3.


This cat who literally doesn't understand how there could be INFINITE SNOW.


This cat who literally doesn't understand how there could be INFINITE SNOW.


Via and-i-swear-we-are-infinite.tumblr.com


This cat who just wants to go to brunch!


This cat who just wants to go to brunch!


Via corporation-cats.tumblr.com


This cat who has that one annoyingly enthusiastic friend who needs to CALM DOWN.


This cat who has that one annoyingly enthusiastic friend who needs to CALM DOWN.


Via gifsboom.net


This cat who is never not shocked by how icy cold snow is.


This cat who is never not shocked by how icy cold snow is.


Via caterville.tumblr.com




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You must be single...


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.


As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.


While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."


The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."



That Time Badass Queen Elizabeth II Gave Saudi Arabia's King a Lesson in Power

http://ift.tt/1zOhfbM


How To Make Your Very Own Drake Snowflake

Otherwise known as a Snowdrake.


Thanks to this MTV Vine, we can all make Drake-themed snowflakes:



vine.co


Print out this Drake snowflake cut out, originally created by MTV.


Print out this Drake snowflake cut out, originally created by MTV.


MTV / Via mtv.com


Cut along the edges of the circle.


Cut along the edges of the circle.


MTV / Via vine.co


Fold along the lines into a tiny triangle.


Fold along the lines into a tiny triangle.


MTV / Via vine.co




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