http://ift.tt/1uZJqmI
Thứ Tư, 28 tháng 1, 2015
Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Forgive me Father for I have sinned.............. "go on" says the priest. "I swore the other day" says the man. "continue" says the priest. "I was on the golf course the other day and i hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway". "and this is when you swore?" asked the priest. "No father, my ball then ricocheted of the power lines and flew off into the deep rough" continued the man. "this must have been when you swore?" the priest exclaimed. "No father, not yet. As i was walking over to the rough to hit my second shot a hawk flew down from the trees, picked my ball up in his beak and proceeded to fly off with it" continued the man. "Ahhh I see" says the priest "this must have been the point where you swore" "Nope not yet, as the bird flew over the green the ball fell from its mouth and landed two feet from the hole" The priest pauses for a few seconds "you missed the fucking putt didn't you?"
A Supervillain On Tumblr Is Giving Frighteningly Good Advice
“Advice from a Supervillain” is giving people permission to put themselves first, and it’s actually super empowering. Presented by BuzzFeed BFF.
A supervillain might not strike you as the person to turn to in your time of need (aka high school)
and yet, often a supervillain is exactly who you need advice from.
For example:
Plus, this supervillain has some truly diabolical tips for being the worst:
A programmer and a software engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight...
The programmer leans over to the software engineer and asks if he would like to play a game. The software engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and great fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $10. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $10.". Again, the software engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The programmer, now some what agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $10, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!" This catches the software engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The software engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a ten dollar bill and hands it to the programmer. Now, it's the software engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the software engineer and hands him $100. The software engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the software engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?"
Without a word, the software engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $10, and turns away to get back to sleep.
7 Extremely Strange Animal Facts
Cats, Penguins, Ants, Deer, Dogs, Turtle, and Clams… Y’all crazy.
Cats are responsible for the global extinction of 33 species.
Just so we're clear, these are feral cats and not your pets but still…
Outdoor kitties murder billions of creatures every year and, in 33 known cases, have wiped them off the planet forever.
But before we blame the cats, let's remember that it's our fault there's so many feral cats.
It's always our fault :(
Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed
All dogs poop facing the North Pole.
Some folks need a magazine. Some need to align their axis with global magnetic polarity.
Who are we to judge anyone's particular poop ritual?
Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed
There are deer in Eastern Europe that still won't cross where the Iron Curtain was.
A quarter century after the fall of the Soviet Empire, their are some animals that still respect it's borders. Researchers have noticed that red deer in the Czech Republic won't cross where electric fences once marked the border into West Germany.
This is most likely due to genetically-inherited memory, and not their political or economic beliefs.
Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed
The oldest living creature was a clam that lived 507 years.
And her name was Ming. Some researchers found her off the coast of Iceland and determined from the rings in her shell that she lived over 5 centuries.
So I guess sitting in one place for an extended amount of time isn't bad for your health?
Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)