Excuse me sir...

http://ift.tt/1A3tyQr

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So there's a girl on the beach with no arms and no legs...

So there's a girl on the beach with no arms and no legs. A good looking guy walks by and she says "Hey can you hug me I've never been hugged before." so the guy hugs her. She then says "Hey could you kiss me I've never been kissed before." so the guy gives her a kiss. Seeing an opportunity she says "Hey can you fuck me I've never been fucked before." The guy picks her up throws her in the ocean and yells "HEY WELL I GUESS YOU'RE FUCKED NOW!"

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Things you find the morning after your Australian housemate got hammered

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Hey guess what.

http://ift.tt/1Fk9BFk

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People commonly believe that Jesus died a virgin, but I heard he got nailed right before he died.

Blasphemy.

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Bringing the pro-pain!

http://ift.tt/1ztVPzf

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What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?

A wet nose.

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