...I can walk on babies.
Therefore I am...
...In prison.
Thứ Tư, 25 tháng 2, 2015
So this black kid was playing in the kitchen right..
He accidentally knocked a bag of flour off the shelf and it went all over him.
His mom came in the kitchen and he decided to make a joke of it. "Look Mom, I'm white!" he said.
His mom slapped him across the cheek. "I can't believe you just said that boy, go tell your father what you just said."
Surprised and a little hurt, he walked over to his Dad in the TV room and said "Hey look Dad... I'm white!"
When his Dad heard that, he flat out punched the kid. Square in the face. The kid was shocked and confused. The Dad said "Boy that's the worst shit I've ever heard, go and show your grandma what you did and tell her what you said.
So the kid begrudgingly walked upstairs and walked into his Grandma's bedroom. "Hey Grandma look, I'm white..."
...and his Grandma just pummeled him. Relentlessly. So hard that both the kids' parents had came upstairs to break up the beating.
They all stood around him and asked him "Yeah well how do you feel about making that joke now?"
The kid just looked up at them and said "...Well I've only been white for 10 minutes, and I hate all you niggers already!"
Accounting Joke (from my professor)
Warning: This may be rather unfunny to most people
A priest, a lawyer, and an accountant were all at the bedside of a very ill man. The man said to them,
"Gentlemen, I'm dying. Before I go, however, I want to ask you one final favor: My family is rotten and I don't want to give any of them an inheritance. I would like to be buried with the remainder of my money." He then hands the priest, the lawyer, and the accountant three envelopes that contain $100,000 each.
"While my coffin is being lowered into the earth, please throw each of the envelopes in. Don't tell anyone what's inside the envelopes."
So the three men leave. Sure enough, one week later, the man dies. During the funeral, the three men toss the envelopes into the grave whilst the coffin was being lowered. After the funeral, the three men go to a cafe to discuss the life of the old man. The priest says,
"I have a confession: I took $10,000 from my envelope. But I used it to fix up the children's home. The old man was always very generous and loved the children. I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing where his money went."
The lawyer pipes in,
"Well, I also have a confession: I took $30,000 as payment of a personal loan he borrowed from me years ago."
The accountant, looking rather shocked, says,
"I cannot believe you two! I wrote a personal check that covered the whole thing!"
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