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Thứ Tư, 4 tháng 3, 2015

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar


Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."



Must... carry...

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A man calls his home while on a business trip.


(I translated this joke from my native language so bear with me)


An unfamiliar voice answers the phone.

Man: "Who is this?"

Answer comes, "A am the maid."

Man: "What? there was no maid when i left a couple of days ago."

Maid: "I was hired yesterday and started working just today. You are the madam's husband?"

Man: "Yes. Where's my wife? Tell her i need to talk to her."

Maid: "I'm afraid sir, she is in her room with another man."

Man: "What are they doing?"

Maid: "By the sounds of it they are making love."

Man: "It hasn't even been a whole week that i left and she has already started bringing home her lovers? Listen, kill them both and i'll give you $20000."

Maid: "But sir, i might get in trouble for this."

Man: "Don't worry. I have high influence in the police department. i will not let you go to jail. Just get the biggest knife from the kitchen and hack them to pieces."

Hearing this, the maid leaves the phone on hold, goes to the kitchen and grabs the biggest knife she can find, then enters the bedroom and kills both of them. She returns to the phones and asks, "I killed them both. Now what?"

Man: "Just hide their body in the basement. I'll deal with it when i return."

Maid: "But we live in an apartment building. There is no basement here."

Man: "Oh! sorry. Wrong number."



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No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.



Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to
 consult their Rabbi.




The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are
 making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your 
wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'




They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man 
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the
 wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.




"Okay,' he says to the husband, "Try it reversed. Have the young man make
love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."




Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the same 
strapping young man.




The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.
The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an
 enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.




The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,
"See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel."



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Wee girl at airport, very interested in my iPad

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