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Thứ Bảy, 7 tháng 3, 2015

A cop sees a drunk stumbling down the street


He says, "Hey, Buddy, you look a little drunk, you ok?."


The drunk says, "Man, I sure am glad to see you officer. See, somebody just stole my car."


The cop says, "Stole your car? Where was the car when you last saw it?"


The guy says, "Right on the end of this key."


The cop looks at the key and looks at the drunk and says, "Well, go two blocks down to the Station and report it to the desk sergeant."


The drunk says, "Thanks, officer. You been a big help."


As the drunk start stumbling towards the station, the cop looks down at the guys pants and says, "Hey buddy, before you go, you better zip up your fly."


The guy looks down at his pants and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."



Posting at 3AM EST is like...

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This is probably the worst joke that I -a dad - ever told. But it still made my daughter laugh.


My wife, teenage daughter and I are sitting in a restaurant discussing Italian cuisine.


Wife: There's nothing better than fresh gnocchi.


Me: There's nothing better than getting fresh and gnocching someone up.



Surrender now or prepare to fight!

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Justin Bieber Roast Jokes




  1. Justin is of course from Canada, which is confusing because doesn’t free healthcare cover abortions?




  2. Justin Bieber looks like a cross between a pedophile and one of his victims.




  3. Justin’s music is so bad it makes me wish Michael Jackson were still alive--to rape Justin Bieber.




  4. So Justin Bieber is some sort of sexual deviant. Yeah, apparently the only way he can cum is by disappointing his fans.




  5. Justin Bieber has sold millions of albums and has had viral hits like the song “Baby”. But I think we all remember him best for being the little girl R Kelly peed on.




  6. Justin Bieber owes his entire career to the fact that about a decade ago Usher wanted his very own white child.




  7. A lot of people say Justin is no talent douchebag and doesn’t deserve fame. But hey… haters gonna be accurate.




  8. Justin Bieber is the reason there should be a male version of the word “cunt”.




  9. Some of you may not know this but one of Justin’s earliest hits was a song called “One Less Lonely Girl”. It was about the day he left Canada.




  10. Now I’m not going to say Justin Bieber’s mom should have gotten an abortion because I’m going to scream that Justin Bieber’s mom should have gotten an abortion. JUSTIN BIEBER’S MOM SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AN ABORTION




  11. Justin had some issues with a little drunk driving. Remember Justin, don’t drink and drive or make any more goddamn music.





My Xbox recognised my door as player 2

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You know you're near a college when

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