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Thứ Sáu, 13 tháng 3, 2015

Three guys go fishing...


Three guys go fishing. In the front of the boat is a cooler full of beer.


The first guy stands up and says, "I'm a Muslim and we believe that God does not want us to drink alcohol. We also believe that God is watching us all the time. Since God is watching me right now, I will not drink any beer." And he sits back down.


The second guy stands up and says, "I am a Jew. We believe that God created alcohol for us to enjoy. We also believe that God is always watching us. So I will drink a beer to show God how much I appreciate his creation." He gets a beer out of the cooler and sits back down.


The third guy sits there for a bit. Then suddenly he jumps up, pushes the other two guys out of the boat and chugs two beers at lightning speed. The other two climb back into the boat sputtering and dripping wet and ask, "What was that?!?!?!"


The third guy says, "I am a Southern Baptist. We believe that God does not want us to drink alcohol. We also believe that God is only watching us when other people are around."



I'll pay for my burger when you pay for Windows.

http://ift.tt/1Auk9wM


12 Cats That Are Definitely Libertarians

The Feline State has grown too large and powerful.


This libertarian cat believes people should be allowed to take as many drugs as they like, as long as it doesn't hurt others.


This libertarian cat believes people should be allowed to take as many drugs as they like, as long as it doesn't hurt others.


Sinelyov / Getty Images


This libertarian cat is neither "left" or "right."


This libertarian cat is neither "left" or "right."


Julija / Getty Images


This libertarian cat believes the State has grown too large and powerful.


This libertarian cat believes the State has grown too large and powerful.


Lulamej / Getty Images


This libertarian cat believes we would be wealthier if the State were smaller.


This libertarian cat believes we would be wealthier if the State were smaller.


Globalp / Getty Images




View Entire List ›



I got accepted into graduate school and I was reminded of this Simpsons joke

http://ift.tt/1BB2j0b


Put your hands up

http://ift.tt/1HRXT5Z


Tactical Reload

http://ift.tt/1Ehs2KS


My favorite stupid joke to this day. I heard it when I was a young kid.


Two muffins were in an oven, the first muffin turns to the other and says "man it sure is hot in here!" The second muffin replies "Holy fuck!!!! A talking muffin!!!!!"