A drunk walks up to a guy...

A drunk walks up to a guy. says to him, " I am God." The guy says," Go away, you are drunk." "I can prove it to you, if you want" said the drunk. "O really! Then prove it." The drunk went up to a door and knocked on it thrice, three times. The door opened, and a woman came out, "Oh God, not you again. Go away!"...

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How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from....

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A little girl walked into a pet shop and asked in the sweetest lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shop keeper's heart melted, he got down on his knees to her level, asking: "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like this cute widdle bwown wabbit over here?" The little girl leaned forward and said: "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."...

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Why can't Helen Keller drive....

Because she's a woman....

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My wife and I were camping...

and an angry looking bear surprised us while we were eating. She looked at me and said "Should I give him some of the stew I made?" I said, "No, he looks angry enough already."...

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I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand

They wanted to know where the rest of her body was...

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Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member?

He went around killing gingers....

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