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Thứ Bảy, 6 tháng 6, 2015

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her.

One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid" , said the woman.

The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife."

The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

Apparently people were covered in debris.

Which Zodiac Sign Is Your Dog Actually?

Their personality doesn’t have to match when they were born. See what they’re truly like on the ~zodiac spectrum~.


21 Reasons Horse Back Riders Are Actually The Worst

They just sit on animals and enjoy the scenery.

If you know any riding enthusiasts, you already know they're the LAZIEST people on the planet.

If you know any riding enthusiasts, you already know they're the LAZIEST people on the planet.

feitv.org

I mean, she's just sitting on a moving La-Z-Boy here.

I mean, she's just sitting on a moving La-Z-Boy here.

olympic.org / Via mylittlehorseworldcammy.tumblr.com

And she's essentially riding a boogie board in a lap pool.

And she's essentially riding a boogie board in a lap pool.

olympic.org / Via chickensmoothie.com

NOT IMPRESSED, PEOPLE.

NOT IMPRESSED, PEOPLE.

equestrian-endeavors.com / Via data.whicdn.com


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Thứ Sáu, 5 tháng 6, 2015

The Queen and the Metal Panties

One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.

The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.

"Why, doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose?" asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole.

"SNAP!", the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! "Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire", said the magistrate.

Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition. Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk.

They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact.

"Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless.

13 Steps To Naming Your New Pet

“Are you more of a George, or a Sir BooBooCakes?” The representatives from our Cute or Not app are here to help!

Look your new friend in the face, but see into their soul.

Look your new friend in the face, but see into their soul.

Bella / Cute or Not

Triple-check that your pal is a male or female (unless your new pet seems un-phased by societal gender norms, then the world of names is wide open to you.)

Triple-check that your pal is a male or female (unless your new pet seems un-phased by societal gender norms, then the world of names is wide open to you.)

Lulu / Cute or Not

Take a peek at a baby name book. Harold? Guinevere? Rose?

Take a peek at a baby name book. Harold? Guinevere? Rose?

Caramel / Cute or Not

Look at your new friend again. Say some of the names. If their eyes don't light up and the sky doesn't sing in celebration, you haven't found it yet!

Look at your new friend again. Say some of the names. If their eyes don't light up and the sky doesn't sing in celebration, you haven't found it yet!

Gizmo / Cute or Not


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21 Dogs Who Are Really Trying To Make "Fetch" Happen

Come on, ALL you have to do is throw the ball!

This angel whose eyes won't let you say no.

This guy who did all his chores in advance, including raking the lawn.

This guy who did all his chores in advance, including raking the lawn.

giphy.com

This dude who knows that if you want something from someone, you've gotta play it cool.

instagram.com

This patient friend who sees that you are reading, but JUST needs you to throw the ball.

instagram.com


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