Dress them up as dead lions
Thứ Bảy, 1 tháng 8, 2015
A boy comes home after school one day
A boy comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he’s got a big smile on his face.
She asks, “Did anything special happen at school today?”
“Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!”
The mother is stunned. “You’re going to talk about this with your father when he gets home.”
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, “Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher.”
“That’s right, Dad.”
“Well, you became a man today—this is cause for celebration. Let’s head out for some ice cream, and then I’ll buy that new bike you’ve been asking for.”
“That sounds great, Dad, but can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me.”
I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
A guy bets the bartender for a drink
Guy bets the bartender $100 that he can lick his own eyeball.
The bartender agrees. The man takes out his glass eye and licks it. "Gimme a jack and coke" he orders, smiling.
About a half hour later the man returns and bets the bartender $200 that he can bite his nose.
There's no way the guy can remove his nose, the bartender thinks, and agrees. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his nose. "Gimme two jack and gingers" he orders, cheerfully.
Then a couple hours pass and the man returns. He is drunk, and the bartender wants his money back. "Any more bets?" The bartender asks. "Sure" says the man, "I'll bet $300 that I stand here and piss over your bar and fill up a pint glass without spilling a single drop." The man can barely stand, so the bartender thinks for a short moment and agrees. He sets a pint glass on the floor and the man begins to pee all over the floor. He doesn't even try to piss over the bar. He then hands back the bartender the $300. The bartender, laughing, asks why he took such a foolish bet. The man replies, "I bet your doorman $1000 that I would take a piss all over your bar and you wouldn't care"
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