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Thứ Hai, 31 tháng 8, 2015

A feminist visited a Muslim country and was unhappy with the treatment of women there...

All of the Muslim men made their wives walk at least five feet behind them. The visiting feminist was outraged, "How could you be so sexist? This is an outrage!"

She left the country, only to return years later. Much to her surprise, all of the women were walking five feet ahead of their husbands. The feminist couldn't believe it. "What changed? Why are you so progressive now?" One of the men overheard and said with a smile... "land mines."

Things That Very Well Could Happen At This Year’s VMAs

… and we made a Bingo game out of it so you can play along.

Remember this?

Remember this?

MTV / Via Giphy

AND THIS?

AND THIS?

MTV / Via breatheheavy.com

Sit back, relax, and enjoy our predictions!

Sit back, relax, and enjoy our predictions!

MTV / Via gossiponthis.com


View Entire List ›


Hooker

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?" Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is v worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "$1,500? My God! No blow-job could be worth that. A televangelist wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

Why didn't blacks in 1850 give high-fives?

Because everyone always left them hanging!

Chủ Nhật, 30 tháng 8, 2015

What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests?

A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.

[NSFW] What's long, cylindrical, hard, full of semen and can make a woman scream?

The sock under your bed.

Can You Remember What Year Classic VMA Moments Happened?

MTV have been doing this show a looooooong time.