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Chủ Nhật, 1 tháng 11, 2015

Old man goes to a doctor...

Old man, well into his eighties, goes to a doctor for a regular checkup.

The doctor examines him, makes several tests, looks at him and he can't believe what he sees. He says:

"Old man, this can't be true! You're old, but you're healthy as a teenager. No hypertension, no elevated sugar levels, your ECG is perfect... How is that possible?"

"Well" old man replies "probably because I'm physically active. You see, I walk every day, I go fishing regulary..."

"No" the doctor interrupts him "that couldn't possibly explain this phenomenon. This must be genetic. Tell me, how old was your father when he died?"

"My father is not dead! - the old man replies - He's alive and well just as I am. We go fishing together."

The doctor is gobsmacked. With a shaky voice, he asks:

"How old is he?"

"Almost a hundred. He married young."

"Wow! This is phenomenal! Now, how about your grandfather? Can you remember how old was he when he died?"

"He's not dead either! He's almost 120."

Now the doctor is skeptical.

"I guess he too goes fishing with you and your father?"

"Oh, no, this week he'll be at home, he's preparing for his wedding"

"He's getting married at 120?"

"Well, he doesn't really want to, but his parents are nagging him..."

Why was the piano teacher arrested?

He kept fingering A minor.

What do you call a tv show about female puberty?

A Breasted Development

You know what they say about cliffhangers...

No text found

The Irish Railway Company

Correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

Gentlemen, I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly,

Patrick Finnegan

Dear Mr. Finnegan, We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely,

Irish Railway Company

Gentlemen, I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That, Gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!

Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan.

Taylor Swift Won Halloween With Her Adorable "Frozen" Costume

No, she didn’t go as Elsa.

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift

Not only did the pop star dress up as Olaf from Frozen during a concert in Tampa, Florida, on Saturday night...

Not only did the pop star dress up as Olaf from Frozen during a concert in Tampa, Florida, on Saturday night...

Chensant / Via instagram.com


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My last job was circumcising elephants

The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.