Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...? What the fuck were they so excited about?
Chủ Nhật, 6 tháng 12, 2015
A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a pilot in Desert Storm and his plane was hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it would not break and then his parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.
He shot fifteen of them with the gun until he ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'till the blade broke and then he killed the last Iraqi with his bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?
"Stay the hell away from Uncle Bob when he's been drinking!
A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle...
A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"
Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."
Judge: "Proceed."
Man: "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I knew that if I followed the eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the eagle. I figured that since I killed the eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
Judge: "The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony."
15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.
Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don't mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste like?"
Man: "Well, your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe kind of between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl."
Who is the most popular guy in the nudist colony?
The one that can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts at the same time.
The most popular woman?
The one that can eat the 12th doughnut.
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast.
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast.
I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done.
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself."
So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
An Adorable Animals Advent Calendar: December 5
Where will your adventure take you today?
It's a Saturday after all, so try not to wander too far away!
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