A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'

Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'

The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'

The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'

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Dad, am I adopted?

Son : Dad, am I adopted?

Dad : If we really wanted to adopt, we would have chosen someone better.

E^dit : formatting

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It's not that hard to tell alligators and crocodiles apart.

One will see you after a while, and the other will see you later.

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My friend's body temperature is currently -273.15 °C

Don't worry though, he's 0K.

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What do you call Batman when he leaves church early?

Christian Bale

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I was at my bank today waiting in a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

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We Know How Your New Years Eve Will Be Based On The Dog You Choose

Choose wisely or you’ll end up passed out at McDonald’s, using cold fries and mystery wig as your pillow.

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