I said to my girlfriend, "Please get me a newspaper."

"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."

That spider never knew what fucking hit it.

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A homeless man is sitting in a bar

After a few drinks he begins speaking to a young lady. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree.

Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?"

The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology and a French Minor. I think it's my felon status that prevents me from getting a job"

Intrigued, the young lady asks, "What landed you in jail?"

Taking a sip from his drink, the homeless man answers "The French minor."

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My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex

But my girlfriend keeps saying it says dyslexia

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My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger.

It was mine.

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Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

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The Panama Papers prove it: America can afford a universal basic income | Colin Holtz

The Panama Papers prove it: America can afford a universal basic income | Colin Holtz
If the super-rich actually paid what they owe in taxes, the US would have loads more money available for public services.

April 8, 2016 at 09:32PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1MhZPf9

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What is a pirates favorite letter?

P. Because without it, he'd be irate.

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