I once went to a Reddit restaurant

unfortunately all of the servers were busy

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So a naked woman walks into a bar and asks for a beer...

The bartender stares at her body from head to toe then serves she a beer. She drinks it and asks for another beer. The bartender stares at her for longer and serves she a second beer. The woman again drinks it and asks for a third beer.

Then the bartender starts to look at her with an amused expression, until the woman says:

-- What, have you never seen a naked woman before?

-- That I have, miss. I'm wondering where you're keeping the money to pay for the beers.

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I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry

There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites.

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Man sentenced to five years for masturbating with soap in public.

Came clean in court.

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3 ladies are celebrating in a bar..

3 ladies are celebrating in a bar. The bartender asks the ladies ''what are you celebrating about?'' The ladies reply ''we finished a puzzle in only 6 months even though on the box it said 4-6 years.''

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I killed a kid while stationed in Afghanistan

So me and my buddies asked a village elder if we could buy a kid as a joke. We didn't think he'd actually sell. $200. So we bring him back to our patrol base then realize...we can't keep this fucking kid. What will we do with him? So we decided we had to get rid of him. Cut his throat, drained all his blood, then butchered him like he was a deer. Threw him on the grill and ate him. Goat meat isn't bad. Kinda chewy.

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Did you know that trampolines were originally called jumpolines?

Until your mom got on one.

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