People are so unreliable

Waited in all day for someone to come and fix my broken doorbell, but they never turned up.

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So a foreign exchange student asks me:

"Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"

I told them it was either.

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What does all pirate music have in common?

It's all played in the high C's.

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Why did the midget laugh while walking across the field?

Because the grass tickled his balls.

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My friend Dave drowned yesterday

his funeral is on Wednesday. I've made him a wreath in the shape of a buoyancy aid. It's what he would have wanted.

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I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said. "Fuck off" he shouted back. "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

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What does dark humor have in common with food?

Not everyone gets it.

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