Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.

After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"

Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

Read More

People are so unreliable

Waited in all day for someone to come and fix my broken doorbell, but they never turned up.

Read More

So a foreign exchange student asks me:

"Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"

I told them it was either.

Read More

What does all pirate music have in common?

It's all played in the high C's.

Read More

Why did the midget laugh while walking across the field?

Because the grass tickled his balls.

Read More

My friend Dave drowned yesterday

his funeral is on Wednesday. I've made him a wreath in the shape of a buoyancy aid. It's what he would have wanted.

Read More

I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said. "Fuck off" he shouted back. "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Read More