Because she can't fit into D shells
Thứ Năm, 21 tháng 4, 2016
Buying Condoms....
A sixty year old man walks into a drug store and walks up to the girl at the checkout counter. He asks her, "Do you sell condoms here?"
"Sure. What size are you?"
"I don't know," he replies.
"Well, just let me check," the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and then says over the intercom, "Extra large condoms to the checkout counter please. Extra large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Later, a thirty year old man walks into the store and up to the checkout counter. He asks the girl, "Do you sell condoms here?"
The cashier replies, "Sure. What size do you need?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Allow me to check for you," she says as she unzips his pants and takes a couple of tugs. She then says over the intercom, "Large condoms to the checkout counter please. Large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Some time later, a eighteen year old boy, hoping to get lucky, walks up to the girl at the checkout counter and asks sheepishly, "Um, ah, do you guys sell condoms here?"
"Yep," she says. "What size do you need?"
"I don't know," he says nervously.
"Allow me to check for you," she says. The cashier unzips his pants for a feel, pauses for a moment and then says over the intercom, "Clean up at the checkout counter please. Clean up at the checkout counter."
A man deposits $1000 cash into his bank account every day
The bank employees start getting a little suspicious and tell the manager about the customer. The manager tells them to let him know next time he makes a deposit. Surely enough, the next day, he comes with 1k in cash to deposit into his account. The tellers tell the man that the manager would like to see him. The manager, who sits in a giant glass office on the bank floor, welcomes the man and then asks him how he gets $1,000 to put in every day. The man tells him "well, I make a lot of bets and that's where all the money is from." The manager doesn't believe how he can make all that money just by betting, so the man says "okay then, I bet you $1,000 I can bite my eye."
"bullshit! That's impossible." Says the manager, and places $1,000 on the table.
The man takes out his glass eye, bites it, and takes the money. "Okay, that's not fair to you. You didn't know I had a glass eye. I bet you double that I can bite my ear!" The manager thinks that it's impossible and is desperate to make his money back. "Deal."
The man then takes out his dentures and bites his ear. The manager is embarrassed and upset he's lost all that money on a stupid bet. The man notices this and says "Okay, you seem upset. I'll make it up to you fair and square. Tomorrow I'll come back and I bet you $5,000 I can guess what color underwear you're wearing."
The manager thinks this over and sees that there's no way the man will be able to guess and agrees. He later goes shopping for the craziest, most colorful pair of underwear he can find. The next day, the man is back in the manager's office. The manager goes "Alright then, try and guess what color I'm wearing. I'm more than certain that you'll never be able to."
"White." The man says.
The manager jumps up, takes the money, and yelps "AHA! WRONG!" and pulls down his pants to reveal rainbow colored underwear.
The man jumps up and yelps "AHA! I WIN!"
The manager is confused and says "what are you talking about? You guessed wrong and lost the bet."
"Yeah, I lost that bet. But I also bet all your employees out there watching that I could get you to pull down your pants."
Thứ Tư, 20 tháng 4, 2016
John wins best toast of the night
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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