Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny'' Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''...

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I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is.

Maybe Alaska....

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A little blue bird was flying south for the Winter

A little blue bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large hay field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and took a dump on him. As the frozen blue bird lay there in the heap of steaming pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,...

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Sperm Bank...

At a sperm bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk. "Sir.. this is a sperm bank.." says the lady. "I know. Get out three bottles of sperm" he commanded. So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen sperm. "Drink it." says the man. So she wincingly swallows each gulp until they're all empty. Disgusted she takes a look at the man as he takes off his ski mask and pockets his gun. "See honey? It's not that hard."...

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A blonde was desperate for money...

so she decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs. At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. 'Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?' 'Sure,' smiled the blonde, 'I'll do it for $100.' 'Great,' the man replied. 'You'll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage.' The man went back into the house to his wife, who'd been listening. 'A hundred bucks! Does she know it goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife. 'Well, she must. She was standing right on it!' he said. About...

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A Comet as Old as Earth is Heading Our Way After a 4 Billion-Year Cryogenic Sleep

A Comet as Old as Earth is Heading Our Way After a 4 Billion-Year Cryogenic Sleep C/2014 S3 (PANSTARRS), a tailless comet that’s been sitting in cold hibernation for billions of years now, was recently nudged into an orbit that brings it closer to the sun and Earth. Scientists are eagerly looking forward to learning more about what it can tells us about the early days of the solar system. April 30, 2016 at 08:41PM via Digg http://ift.tt/1SB2B...

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Have you heard about the three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well....

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