A Father's Last Request

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Note, this is not my joke. I just thought reddit might like it :)

Edit: Sorry if this is a repost, I searched the subreddit and found nothing like this.

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Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons?

They're always coming in a little behind.

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10 Catholic priest all die in a bus accident

When they arrive at the pearly gates, St Peter Acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you a paedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well fuck off straight to hell right now!".

9 of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.

St Peter calls after them. "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!"

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There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows.The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick, I'm disappointed, you've failed. Go and have a shower.'

The belly dancer had stripped as far as her last veil for the second guy when the chief heard 'Ting-a-ling!'

'Joseph, I'm very disappointed. You can't resist the temptation of a woman. Go for a shower,' said the chief priest.

The belly dancer started dancing totally naked around the last priest. She did everything erotic she could think of but no bell rang!

'John, I'm delighted. You've passed! You can resist the temptation of women. Now, go relax and take a shower with Patrick and Joseph.'

'Ting-a-ling!'

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Two men went to the barbers for a shave......

They were both almost done when the barber reached for the aftershave when the first man said “Don't put that shit on me‚ my wife will think I've been in a whore house.”

The other man then turned to his barber and said “ you can put it on me ‚ my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whore house smells like.”

Edit-words

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So someone threw a can of soda at me today.

I'm alright though it was a soft drink.

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My 93 year old grandfather FTW

We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ''Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee..." All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him. "My doctor told me no more heavy lifting."

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