Obama Goes After Trump In His Final White House Correspondents' Dinner Speech

Obama Goes After Trump In His Final White House Correspondents' Dinner Speech This year's edition featured some shots at both parties' primary candidates, some love for Joe Biden ("I want to thank him... for not shooting anybody in the face"), and a cameo from wine-drinking John Boehner? May 1, 2016 at 08:40PM via Digg http://ift.tt/26FUI...

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Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Classical Conditioning (told by my psychologist student friend that is not on reddit, so all credit to him)...

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A thief broke into my house last night

He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him....

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New house, new madam

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something....

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I was talking to a friend's little girl...

I was talking to a friend’s little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?’ She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’ ‘Wow - what a worthy goal.’ I told her, ‘You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the...

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3 men are arrested at a public pool, and go to court

The first man steps up to the defendant's stand, and the judge says to him: "State your name and crime." So the first man says: "my name is Billy your honour, and I was just blowing bubbles in the pool." So the judge says "well Billy, that is a bit weird, but perfectly legal. You're free to go." So Billy leaves the courtroom, and the next man is called up "My name is Bobby your honour, and I was also just blowing bubbles in the pool." So the judge replies, "well Bobby, as I said to Billy. That is a bit strange at your age, but again, perfectly...

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Two old ladies were having a smoke

Jane and Arlene were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely...

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