What do you get when you mix an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

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Dad chopped up onions

Dad chopped up onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog.

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what's the difference between a subtraction sign and a feminist

a subtraction sign actually makes a difference

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Why do asian girls have small boobs?

Because only A's are acceptable.

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A father and his young son are sharing a bath together. The son points at his dads penis and asks: "why is yours so much bigger than mine?"

The father replies: "Because I have an erection."

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What’s the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger.

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Why aren't there any "old husband tales"?

There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".

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