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Thứ Ba, 3 tháng 5, 2016

A Woman Takes Her Secret Lover Home During The Day While Her Husband Is At Work.

Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The Woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball..."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No thanks."

Boy: "My Dad is outside..."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens agin that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, lets go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1000"

The Dad says, "Thats terrible to over charge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the little door..

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The Priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now!"

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night...

She nearly took my fucking eye out.

I walked into a shop and saw a radio for sale because the volume was stuck on high...

...I thought, I can't turn this down!

Met a woman at the bar the other night

She was absolutely stunning. At least at 11/10. I asked her where she's from and what she does. She said "I live around here, and I'm a brain surgeon."

Now I don't know if it's sexist of me, but I was really impressed.

Most women can't pull off sarcasm.

Thứ Hai, 2 tháng 5, 2016

What's the difference between Reddit and Facebook?

About a day