I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

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What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew?

Harry made it out of the chamber alive...

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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

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Dad chopped up onions

Dad chopped up onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog.

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what's the difference between a subtraction sign and a feminist

a subtraction sign actually makes a difference

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Why do asian girls have small boobs?

Because only A's are acceptable.

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A father and his young son are sharing a bath together. The son points at his dads penis and asks: "why is yours so much bigger than mine?"

The father replies: "Because I have an erection."

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