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Thứ Tư, 4 tháng 5, 2016

A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.

At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.

He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look and he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.

He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'?

The trooper asks: 'What are you doing?'

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And, her, what is she doing?'

The young man shrugs: 'Sir , I believe she's filing her fingernails.'

Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane and nothing obscene is happening!

The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man?'

The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'

The trooper asks: 'And her, what's her age?'

The young man looks at his watch and replies:'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.

A programmer's wife

A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

I told you I was broke…

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

‘Good morning,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners . ‘

‘Go away!’ said the old lady. ‘I’m broke and haven’t got any money!’ and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ‘Don’t be too hasty!’ he said. ‘Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.’ And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. ‘If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.’

The old lady stepped back and said, ‘Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.

They say a woman's work is never done

that's probably why they get paid less

What do you call a high person with Downs Syndrome?

A baked potato.

Thứ Ba, 3 tháng 5, 2016

My friend David lost his I.D.

We just call him Dave now.

Who were the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.