Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....

The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof. The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed me cold pizza for lunch again I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there's cold pizza. He goes and jumps off the roof. The third construction worker says to himself, "If my wife packed me a fish sandwich I too will jump...

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Blue seal

This penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices the oil pressure light is on so he drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic...

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A joke is like a frog...

When you dissect it, it dies. Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it. Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it....

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What do you call the space in between Pamela Anderson's breasts?

Silicon Valley...

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A Man "Walks in" on his son.

A man walks in on his son and finds him jerking off. The father looked at his son and said "Son, if you keep doing that, you'll go blind!" The boy looked backed at his dad and said "Dad, i'm over here." (I heard a comedian tell this joke but I don't remember who.)...

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I'm not sure what gender fluid is...

...but it sounds like it's tough to get out of upholstery....

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A Man has Three Daughters

A man has three daughters he loved very much. His first daughter runs up to him and says: "Daddy! Daddy! Why am I named Raindrop?" The father replies, "Well sweetie, as we were taking you home from the hospital, a single raindrop landed right on your nose, and that's how we knew to name you Raindrop." Satisfied she goes on her way The second daughter, now curious, goes up to her father and says: "Daddy, Daddy! Why am I named Snowflake?" The father replies, "Well sweetie, as we were taking you home from the hospital, a single snowflake landed right...

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