I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
"I really need a new fuckin boat" I thought to myself.
Thứ Hai, 23 tháng 5, 2016
On a first date:
Her - So what do you do?
Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers.
Her - Wow, that's impressive!
Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons.
Guess My Age
A woman decides to have a face-lift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, she says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the woman says, feeling really happy.
After that, she goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, she asks an old man the same question.
He replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with you for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the woman thinks, What the hell and lets him slip his hand down her pants.
Ten minutes later, the old man says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the woman says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old man replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
A blond was pulled over
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's rectangle and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a rectangle mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too."
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