A boy goes into confession...

The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl." "Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?" "Oh I can't say." "Was it Mary Jane?" "No Father." "Adalina Mozarelli?" "My lips are sealed." "How about Cindy King" "I can never say." "Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?" "No." "It has to be Tracy Cummings though!" "Father I will never tell you." "Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months." "Ok, Father" The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?" The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"

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Apparently one in three people cheat.

I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend.

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I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.

He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.

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Where did Sally go when the bombs fell?

Everywhere.

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Guy having sex says "damn, there should be a law against sex this good"

To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy"

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Earring

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."

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Little Johnny is playing in his room..

When his mother comes in and announces that they are going to go next door to see their neighbors newborn baby.

Johnny's mother is well aware that Johnny has a VERY bad habit of saying the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate of times.

Couple that with the fact that the baby next door was born without any ears, this prompts Johnny's mother to sternly warn Johnny that if he utters a single word about the babies missing ears, she will in fact beat him into next week.

Hearing this, Johnny promises that he will not say one word about the newborn babies malady.

Off they go to the neighbors house to see the new baby. Upon peering into the crib, little Johnny's eyes get wide and he exclaims.

"WOW! What beautiful hair your baby has. She is soooo beautiful." "Why thank you Johnny." the new Mother replies. "What a kind thing for you to say."

"And such beautiful blue eyes she has." Johnny says. "Can she see well out of those beautiful eyes?"

"Why yes Johnny." The proud Mother says. "In fact she has perfect 20/20 vision."

"Well that is great!" says little Johnny "Because if she needed glasses, she'd be fucked."

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