I made mine when I stopped giving a shit
Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 6, 2016
A newly ordained priest...
A newly ordained priest is walking down the street on his way to his assignment at a parish in the bad part of town. On his way he sees a prostitute who says "Hey father, how about a blow job. $25."
The young priest shyly hurries along past the woman.
Further down the street another prostitute propositions him.
"Blow job, father? $25"
Again he hurries past the lady of the evening. He eventually arrives at the parish door and is met by the Mother Superior. The old nun shows him around the church and rectory explaining where he will be living, when meals are served, and the Sunday mass schedule. As she is about to leave the young priest to settle into his quarters, she asks if he has any questions.
Thinking about his experience on the way to the church, he asks, "Mother Superior, what's a blow job?"
The old nun answers, "$25, same as they charge on the street."
"You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dump Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Scherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspapers announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. They created a bumper sticker and made millions. You've probably seen it...
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them and inform them of your more than deep knowledge of the family tree.
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car and get pulled over...
Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replied.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "GREAT! Now I'm Lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
Johnny wanted to have sex....
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else…
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I’ll give you a $100 if you let me screw you,But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)