"Mom, I want to be a prostitute when I grow up." Said the Irish girl.
"A what?" Replied the mother with a startled expression on her face.
"A prostitute."
"Oh, a prostitute. Thank god, I thought you said a Protestant."
Thứ Bảy, 11 tháng 6, 2016
The Future of Fitness — The Ringer
The Future of Fitness — The Ringer
Working out is rote and hard, but disrupting workouts — that’s fun. That’s the moneymaker.
June 10, 2016 at 09:25PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1syAlB4
I was having sex with a woman when her husband came home early.
She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick.
In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.
One night, two aliens descend from outer space...
...and land their little spaceship next to an old gas station in a small town. They get out and walk up to one of the old gas pumps. The little alien says "Take me to your leader." The gas pump doesn't say or do anything. Slightly annoyed, the little alien repeats "Take me to your leader." The gas pump still says or does nothing. The little alien pulls his blaster from his space suit and points it at the pump "Listen to me! If you don't take me to your leader NOW, I'll blow your damn brains out!" The big alien, wanting to calm the situation down pretty quick says "Hang on a minute. I wouldn't fuck with this guy." The little alien replies "No! You watch me! If this asshole doesn't take me to his leader ima fuck his whole life up!" He turns back to the gas pump "If you don't take me to your leader NOW I'm going to shoot!" The gas pump still doesn't say anything. The little alien fired his blaster. The explosion was so powerful that it blew the two aliens far out over the other side of town. They land in the hills and slowly get up, brushing the fire off of their space suits. The big alien says "I told you not to fuck with that guy." "How did you know he was so powerful?" "Well, anyone that can take his own dick, wrap it around himself twice, and stick it in his ear is bound to be one bad mother fucker!"
Letter to God
Dear God,
Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali. Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe. I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)