From my Botswanan friend

A man dies and goes to hell. He finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?' ... He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the BOTSWANA Hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?' He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The BOTSWANA devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. 'But, that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?' asks the man. Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the BOTSWANA devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in; signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.'

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A husband and wife love golfing together, but they aren't very good, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway ... about 15 ft.

"That was great," the pro says. "Now take the club out of your mouth and try swinging it with your hands."

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The little black jewish boy...

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

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Did blacks invent rape?

Or did they steal that too?

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General Custer’s Last Stand

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist.

Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return, I expect to see it completed."

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.

Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire.

"Why, that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly.

"No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!"

"And there you have it," said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians.'"

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What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

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What is the gender of Iron Man?

Fe Male

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