A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell

A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell. As punishment for his many sins, the Devil shoved him into a room and proceeded to crank up the heat and humidity.

But the man just smiled and said, “Oh, this is just like Chicago in the Spring.”

So, the Devil cranked up the heat and humidity even more, but the man just took off his coat, smiled again, and said, "Well, this is just like Chicago in the summer."

Getting angry now, the Devil put the heat and humidity to the highest possible setting; however, yet again, the man just smiled, took off his shirt and tie, and said, “Ahhhh! Good old August Chicago heat!”

Enraged, the Devil was about to seek an even hotter inferno but then got an idea…

He shut off the heat to the man’s room and instead turned on the air conditioner. Within seconds, the room was frozen solid, colder than anything the man had ever experienced during his time on Earth.

Confident he had finally gotten the best of the man, the devil walked away to take care of other matters. He returned several hours later only to find the man cheering wildly and dancing around.

“What the HELL are you DOING?!?!” The Devil roared. "Celebrating!” The man shouted back. “The Cubs won the World Series! The Cubs won the World Series!"

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I met a pretty girl.

Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

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48 people were shot during yesterday’s 15-hour filibuster on gun control

48 people were shot during yesterday’s 15-hour filibuster on gun control
As politicians recounted stories of gun violence before the Senate, there were 38 shootings that killed 12 people and injured 36 more across America.

June 17, 2016 at 07:30PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/21oZ8D0

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What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

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I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.

It's called 'Facebook'

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.

There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; and if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Muslim people met and picked an aged and wise Mufti to represent them in the debate. However, as the Mufti spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Arabic, they agreed that it would be a "silent" debate. On the chosen day the Pope and Mufti sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Mufti looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The Mufti pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Mufti pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Mufti was too clever. The Muslims could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God! Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He beat me at every move and I could not continue!"

Meanwhile, the Muslim community gathered to ask the Mufti how he'd won. "I haven't a clue," the Mufti said. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Muslims and I told him that we were staying right here!"" And then what?" asked someone, "Who knows?" said the Mufti. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine".

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A man has been found guilty of overusing commas

The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.

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