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Thứ Hai, 20 tháng 6, 2016

So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."

"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

"What a nice lady", I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.

A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.

After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.

I asked her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?"

"Because we've got no teeth", she replied.

"Then why do you buy them?", I asked.

"Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them."

Q: What word begins with M and ends in arriage and is a mans favourite thing?

A: Miscarriage

This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

What spice do you find in hell?

SINammon

(Sorry)

How do you get fifty old women to say f**k?

Shout "Bingo!"

An Open Letter to the Female Hat-Wearing Dog From “Go Dog, Go”


An Open Letter to the Female Hat-Wearing Dog From “Go Dog, Go”
"If you’re seeking approval because you’re itching to be in a relationship right now, know that there are other fish in the sea and, more importantly, bazillions of other dogs in this book."

June 20, 2016 at 04:11AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1ZRjy7d

My Dad Is A Magician

He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When the joke becomes apparent!

(Credit to the first dad who said this)