A compliment in America, an argument in the middle east.
Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 6, 2016
A man meets his new neighbor for the first time as his neighbor arrives home from work.
He says to the man "Hi, I'm Todd, your next door neighbor, nice to meet you. I just have one question for you, when is your birthday?" The neighbor asks "Why would you want to know that?" Todd replies "I want to buy you a pair of blinds for your window, because in the last week I've seen you having sex with your wife every night!". The neighbor says "Well that's awfully nice of you, when's your birthday?" Todd says "Why would you want to know that for?" The neighbor says " Because for your birthday I'm going to buy you some binoculars, that way you can see who's wife it really is, because I'm not married..."
So I was having sex with this girl..
When suddenly she asks me: "Doesn't it bother you that I'm 13??"
So I replied: "Not really, I've never been superstitious"
My wife is so sweet
Every time she goes to a bar alone she gives me her wedding ring so I can think about her all night long.
A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks "Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?"
The shop keepers heart melts.
He gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy, bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there..?"
The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers . . . "I don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a phuc..
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams "Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that.
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