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Chủ Nhật, 26 tháng 6, 2016

There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was.

They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all the pain and agony, he stayed strong for three days, but in the end, talked. He was sent back to the prison, having brought shame to himself, his family, and his country.

They finally sent in the Italian. For an unending three weeks, they tortured him, until they realized if they did anything else to the poor man, he would die, so they sent him back. When he got back to the prison cell bloody and battered, the other POWs asked him, "So? Did you talk?"

"How could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"

What do you give a girl who already has everything?

Antibiotics

A man went to a meeting for premature ejaculators

but when he arrived there was no one there, he'd come too early.

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday

It was mighty kind of them, but they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch"

A couple wants to have sex but their son is in the house.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having sex. Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having sex?" "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians?

Comic Sans

An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open.