The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset... She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you." Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?" Helen: "No, the gardener did." Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

Read More

If two lesbians are on a date, who pays?

The ex-husband

Read More

How many Brits does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None. They just move out of the house.

Read More

Switzerland's Xherdan

Switzerland's Xherdan 
​Trailing Poland by 1 with ten minutes remaining in their Euro 2016 round of 16 match, Switzerland's Xherdan Shaqiri took advantage of a deflected ball and scored a stunner from 18 yards.

June 26, 2016 at 03:05AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/28TRjEY

Read More

I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...

He said "prove it."

So I pushed him off the balcony.

Read More

An elderly couple are enjoying their 75th anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”

Read More

My mailman got gender reassignment surgery.

Now he's a post man

Read More