Most times you get an onion with a tail. But every once in a while you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.
Thứ Tư, 29 tháng 6, 2016
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
College professor
A professor at a local community college is known for telling a dirty joke to start every class. Of course, the ladies in his classes don't appreciate it and a lot of them get together one weekend and decide to stage a walkout next time it happens. The professor catches wind of this plan.
Monday morning rolls around and the professor stands up in front of the class. He starts "Have you heard there's a shortage of whores in India?" The ladies stand up to walk out. "Hold on, girls" he says, "the boat's not leaving yet!"
A Guy Walks Into A Bar With An Octopus Under His Arm
He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."
None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took $50 from the guitarist. Next someone brings up a trumpet. The octopus started playing the trumpet, better than Herb Alpert. The man won another $50 from the trumpeter. Then some guy brought up some bagpipes. The octopus picked up the bagpipes for a minute and, looking a little puzzled, set them down again.
"Can't you play the bagpipes?" asked the man. "Play it?" said the octopus, "I'm gonna screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
The Jewish tie stand
A fleeing Taliban fighter desperate for water was lost in the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried towards ‘the object’ only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban fighter asked, “Do you have water?!!?”
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”
The Taliban fighter shouted, “Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first! "
“Okay” said the old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom”.
Muttering, the Taliban fighter staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.
"Your fucking brother won’t let me in without a tie”.
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