He's dead.
Thứ Năm, 30 tháng 6, 2016
The Misunderstanding
Hi John,
This is Alan next door. I am sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you.
I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Please come up with a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
The Actions:
John, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, stomped next door and shot his neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he had a subsequent message from his neighbor.
The Second Message:
Hi John,
This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text. I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed that my smart phone’s Autocorrect feature changed “Wi-Fi” to "Wife”. Technology eh?? Hope you got a chuckle from that.
Regards, Alan.
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D...
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
The guy replies: "If I say 'why the rabbit?' I will get the job, am I right?"
The inspector, baffled, asks: "How did you know that?!"
The guy replies: "Because I read this shit every fucking day in /r/jokes".
Thứ Tư, 29 tháng 6, 2016
3 mice in a Glasgow pub having a mouse to mouse talk about who`s the hardest...
Aberdeen mouse says: "I go up tae mousetraps, rip the cheese oot & and as the bar comes down i benchpress it 30 times & throw it across the room!" Edinburgh mouse says: I get rat poison, crush it intae powder & snort it!" Glasgow mouse finishes his beer, gets up and walks to the door.. "where u goin?" asked the other two, "hame tae shag the cat"
Three shelves of stuffed animals
A man and a woman meet at a singles' bar, and they quickly hit it off and decide to go back to her place. They immediately head for the bedroom.
Once in the bedroom, the man notices something peculiar: on the wall are three shelves full of stuffed animals: huge ones on the top shelf, regular-size ones on the middle shelf, and small ones on the bottom shelf. He doesn't have time to pay attention to them, of course.
After they have sex, the man says to the woman, "So, how was it?"
The woman thinks for a while and responds, "Eh, take one from the bottom shelf."
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