My Gran just asked me "What's the name of that God-damn Jew who keeps hiding stuff around my house!?"

It's Alzheimer, grandma. Alzheimer.

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Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

He couldn't find the droid he was looking for.

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My wife said she would leave me if I didn't stop making Pokémon references...

'You need to make a choice' she said 'It's either me or the stupid pokémon references!'

'I understand', I replied, holding back tears. 'Sandra, I choose you!!!'

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Chuck Norris once threw a grenade killing 50 people

Then the grenade exploded

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What is the difference between a gun and a feminist?

A gun only has one trigger

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19 and 20 had a fight.

21.

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A Mexican magician tells his audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos... *poof*...

He disappeared without a tres

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