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Thứ Bảy, 9 tháng 7, 2016

Bruce Willis went shopping...

...and he overheard a fellow customer say, "Yipee-ki-yay!" Without thinking he yelled out, "Motherfucker!"

Customers gasped and stared at him, shocked.

He looked at the crowd of people and said, "Oh sorry, old habits...Die Hard."

What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?

Sorry, my fault.

There are three naked men outside a Halloween party.

The one guideline to enter the party was that the person trying to get in must have a costume. Near the Halloween party, there was a trash can. None of the men had costumes, obviously, so they agreed to search through the trash can to look for anything to wear as a costume.

The first man found a bucket of red paint. He decided to cover his whole body in red paint. He walked up to the bouncer of the party. The bouncer asked "What is your costume?" The first man said "I'm anger." He was let in

The second man found a bucket of blue paint. He covered his whole body in blue paint, and walked up the bouncer. The bouncer asked "What's your costume?" The second man replied "I'm sadness." He was also let in.

The third man found an old, rotten pear in the trash can. He couldn't find anything else worthy of putting on his body, so he jammed his dick into the pear. Confidently, he walked up the bouncer.

The bouncer was disgusted. "What the hell is your costume supposed to be?!" He exclaimed.

The third man replied "Don't you see? I'm fucking despair."

I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car.

But they're having trouble installing windows.

Why was 10 traumatized?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate...

They'll kill your dog.

A Pokemon go user walks into a bar

Because he was too busy looking at his phone to notice it