It's a minor problem.
Thứ Hai, 11 tháng 7, 2016
Sharing...
An elderly couple stands at the counter at the local burger joint. The man orders a deluxe burger, large fries, and a cup of decaf. The counter clerk turns to the woman and asks her what she would like.
“Oh, nothing for me, deary. My husband and I share everything.'”
The clerk hits a key on the register and tells the couple that the cost of the meal is $4.98.
The old man reaches into his pockets and pulls out a handful of coins. Slowly and carefully, without a penny to spare, he counts out the exact amount and hands it to the cashier.
A young man standing behind the couple watches this. As the clerk assembles the couple’s order, he leans forward and says, “I’d be honored to buy you another burger and fries.”
The old man turns to the young man and says, “Thank you, but my wife and I share everything.”
The old man carries the tray of food to a table and they sit. Carefully, he cuts the burger in half, divides the fries into two equal portions, and passes half of the food to the woman. He sets the decaf in the center of the table so they can both reach it. Then he begins to eat.
A few minutes later, the young man sits down at the table next to them. As he gobbles down his food, he notices that, while the elderly man eats, the woman is quietly sipping decaf. When he looks at her food, he sees that she hasn’t eaten a single bite. Again, he leans toward the couple and says, “I really would be honored to buy you another meal.'”
The old man says, “No, thank you. We share everything,” and calmly resumes eating.
“I just hate to see you go hungry,” the young man laments to the woman.
“Oh, I’m not going hungry,” the old woman says. “I’m waiting for the teeth.”
A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot arrive at the pearly gates...
...St. Peter says to them" Sorry, heaven is quite full, so we can only let one of you in." Suddenly "Poof!" Lucifer appears. Lucifer tells them "You may each ask me one question. If you are able to ask me a question that I cannot answer, you will be allowed into heaven; if not you will be sent to HELL." With that, the mathematician steps forward and asks Lucifer "What is the most complex mathematical theory ever formulated?!" Lucifer replies "Easy!" and with the snap of his fingers a stack of papers appears. The mathematician goes through the papers and eventually exclaims "Yes, this is the most complex mathematical theory ever formulated." Lucifer responds "HAHAHA! Now, go to HELL!!" and the mathematician vanishes. Next the philosopher approaches. He states "What is a summary of all of Socrates' teachings!?" "Easy!" Cries Lucifer, and he snaps his fingers again, making another stack of papers appear. The philosopher carefully reads through the pages. Eventually, in defeat, he exclaims "Yes, this must be every single teaching of Socrates." Lucifer's evil laugh continues, "AAHAHAHAAA! Now, go to HELL!" the philosopher is banished to hell. Lastly, the idiot steps forward. "Bring me a chair!" the idiot tells Lucifer. So the devil brings forth a wooden chair. "Drill 6 holes in the seat!" the idiot demands. So the devil does just that. Just then, the idiot sits down on the chair and farts very loudly. He then stands up and yells his question at Lucifer "Now, which hole did my fart come out of!!?" The devil takes the chair, inspecting it closely. He replies "HAHAHA! The third hole from the left, you are mine!!!" "Wrong!" replies the idiot "It was my asshole!!" And with that St. Peter opens the gates, and the idiot goes to heaven.
Three Engineers are Discussing God
So, three engineers are sitting around a table at lunch, discussing God.
The first engineer says, "I think God must be a mechanical engineer." and proceeds to explain in depth how only a mechanical engineer could've built the muscle and skeletal system to work so beautifully together.
The second engineer says "No, my guess is that he's an electrical engineer" and proceeds to describe how only an Electrical engineer could run an entire body off of such a small amount of power for such a complex system.
The third engineer says "Nope, he must be a civil engineer!", prompting stunned silence from the other two.
"A Civil Engineer?!" Says one after a long pause, "What makes you say THAT?".
The third engineer thinks for a minute and explains "well, only a civil engineer would run a waste pipe through a recreational area!"
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